Lorrrrrrrrrenzo Gonzalez

The last post of the month features a man who really knows how to work a paisley pocket kerchief, Lorenzo Gonzalez. There were a lot of romantic (by which I mean BOH-ring) ballads I had to wade through to find the peppier cha cha numbers on side 2, so for the terminally impatient may I recommend "El Pasaporte" and "Un Rayito de Luna" and then you can just sit out the rest.

Lorenzo Gonzalez

Cabaretera
Hola, Que Tal
Piel Canela
Hisatoria de un Amor
De mi Corazon al Tuyo
Luna de Miel en Puerto Rico
Un Rayito de Luna
El Pasaporte

BZZZZZZZZZZZZT!! NEXT!!

The difficulty of doing a blog such as this that celebrates bad music is that, well, so much of what I buy is just absolute SHITE. Not that it's poorly done or has stupid lyrics, or is really embarrassing to listen to in the car with the windows rolled down...that would be GOOD bad music. BAD bad music is just dull or predictable, like everything I have to offer to you today. Interested already, aren't you?

So it's time to clean out the hard drive again....and you KNOW if I put needle to vinyl it's being recorded, and if it's recorded I'm posting it here, right? In my endless quest to do my part to make sure that every album ever recorded by anyone ends up on the internet....here are the losers of the 33 1/3 cent bin!




Good news: a sealed Spinorama album!
Bad news: It's Victor Herbert operetta.
Good news: a song called Absinthe Frappe!
Bad news: it sux.

Victor Herbert Goes Spinorama

Here's something by some guitar player named Vincent Lopez, he might be famous or something. I tried to google him but fell asleep in the middle of typing "Vincent". It looked promising but is dull dull dull. No album cover either, suck it up.

Side one-- and only side one, don't be bugging me for side 2, I'm NOT in the mood--of Victor Lopez - Tokyo Rhapsody



Heeyyyyyyyyyy Tooooooooooooni! There was one song that I made it all the way through on this album of Italian favorites, all the rest were ballads. No like-a da ballads, so you get one tune, a Medley of three songs. I would have typed out the names of all three songs in the medley, but my keyboard doesn't have the Italian alphabet on it. Sorry.

Toni Arden - Eh, Pastafazool To You!



For 33 1/3 cents I couldn't resist the siren song of such titles as "Chicken Pickin" and "Steelin' Some" by the 19th & Cherry Gang. It's pretty standard pedal steel, no vocals. Yee-hum.

3 songs from Rose Garden - the 19th & Cherry Gang

Ruth Welcome and Her Zither

Ruth Welcome and her Zither. Ruth Welcome loved her Zither as though it were the fruit of her own womb. She carried the Zither everywhere she went, holding it tenderly and close to her heart. She set a place for it at her dinner table. She bathed it with tender lovingness, powdering its tiny behind with perfumed talc, and laid it down to rest next to her each night on a silken pillow.

OK, so maybe she didn't.

At a Sidewalk Cafe with Ruth Welcome, Her Zither, and The Milt Shaw Trio

Capitol T 1209

Arrivederci Roma
Under Paris Skies
My Heart is a Violin
Anema e Core
Domino
A Little Cafe Down the Street

Guaglione
J'Attendrai
Ja Ja der Wein ist Gut
Live, Laugh, and Love
Non Dimenticar
Im Prater Bluyh'n Wieder die Baume

--and NO Third Man Theme!

In Concert on the SynthaSwinger 1700

Let’s take a visit back in time to a mid-sized mall circa 1974...got your Orange Julius? As we pass by the Kimball organ store, we hear the sounds of Don Jenkins and Jim McGill trading hot organ licks (OK that came out really WRONG)....what I meant to say is that they’re rockin’ & grooving on the spankin’ new Syntha Swinger 1700 Kimball organ in the hopes that dad or granny will stop and lay down some heavy cash to put one of these babies into their own rumpus room.

I’ve got to say, Jim McGill put some interesting twists on some insipid 70s songs while showing off all the hokey features of the instrument, not an easy feat. Don lays down some grooving tracks as well, though both have their occasional lapses in rhythm and good taste --which is of course what makes this album such a delight. I’m sure in 1974 the SynthaSwinger 1700 was the top-of-the-line state-of-the-art for home entertainment organs, though you can hear undertones of the casio kitsch factor that can make it sound as resonant as a $15 doorbell.

Diggin’ the aviator glasses, Jim!



In Concert on the Kimball Organ
Pop Organ Records PO-110174

Recorded November 1, 1974 at the Universal Recording Studios, Chicago

Song Gems with Jim McGill

You've Got a Friend
Danke Schoen
Look of Love
If
Go Away Little Girl
Born Free

Beautiful Music with Don Jenkins

Lady is a Tramp
Bewitched
I Could Write a Book
My Funny Valentine
Roses of Picardy
Soon It's Gonna Rain

Sometimes the whole "listening to music thing" can be just too much.....there's the melody that gets you humming, and those complicated lyrics, and then a peppy beat which can start those toes tapping....why, the whole thing can be simply overwhelming. Sometimes you just want to hear something much simpler, like a ping pong match, or a guy in the shower, or some dubious ethnic imitations, such as sleepy Mexicans or stoic Indians. So today's album is a veritable godsend....

Bored by bongos? Persecuted by percussion? Want to have fun with your stereo rig? This is the record for you!

SOUNDS FUNNY presents a wild and wonderful collection of sounds, arranged and performed to vibrate the funny-bone as well as the ear-drums. The stereo jokes move before your eyes!

You know, I'm not even going to bother to apologize for the crappiest picture I have EVER taken. See my front porch! The album's propped up against a recycle bin! I recycle, because I CARE about our Earth! But don't care quite as much about getting a decent shot of this really substandard album!

Sounds/Funny written and performed by Earle Doud Epic Stereorama BN 598

The Annoying Kitten
The Big Drink
Kids and the Swimming Pool
Fruit Vendor
Hilltop Diner
Lion Tamer
Sports Cars Fan
Rubbing out a Cheapskate
Echo Cavern
The Shower
Mexican Peddler
Composer's Phone Call

Side 2
Spectacular Ping Pong
Bad Table Manners
Indiana & the Smoke Signal
Teh Final Showdown
The Great Discovery
The Time Piece
Persistent Bread Vendor
Rocket Launching
Children's Concert

Birth of Bebop and Blues

Remington 10" record featuring early recordings of Charlie Parker and Dizzy Gillepie backing a second rate blues singer Rubberlegs Williams, as well as 4 sides featuring Roy Eldridge, Red Norvo, Slam Stewart and Cozy Cole. There's no information on the liner notes, all session info about this album was found here.

The Birth of Bebop and Blues

Remington R-1031

SIDE 1:

Heard But Not Seen
The Beat
Bouncy
What's the Matter Now

Dizzy Gillespie(one source says Roy Eldridge) (tr), Charlie Parker (alto), Slam Stewart (b), Cozy Cole (dr), Red Norvo (vibes), Clyde Hart (p), J.C. Heard (dr), Clyde Hart and Timmie Rosenkrantz Orchestras

SIDE 2:

That's The Blues
I Want Every Bit Of It
4 F Blues

Dizzy Gillespie (tr), Charlie Parker (alto), Don Byas (tenor), Trummy Young (tr), Clyde Hart (p), Mike Bryan (guitar), Al Hall (cl), Specs Powell (dr), "Rubberlegs" Williams Orchestra

Too Much Pizazz, My Head Hurts

Holy cripe, this album is still in print? Well, after you hear the Four Coins version of "Ting-a-Ling Telephone" I'm QUITE certain you will be compelled to go out and purchase a nicely cleaned up version of this song. The rest of the album is an over-the-top pizazz-a-thon which was pretty irritating to me (tho I have a very low pizazz tolerance, it's a medical condition, OK?). But Ting-a-Ling Telephone! Swell tune which I'm sure I will cherish forever, or at least for the rest of this month!

Selections from The Four Coins in Shangri-La

Shangri-La
Memories of You
Heartache Street
Manhattan Serenade
Curly-Headed Kid in the Third Row
You're Breaking My Heart
Ting-a-Ling Telephone

Everybody Polka with Jan Waters and his Polk-Alongs!

The complete post title is actually Bravo Records Presents Everybody Polka with Jan Waters & his Polk-Alongs and Wanda and Stach and we'll all have some beers and maybe go bowling later. Um, in case you need to be told, it's polka music. Pretty enjoyable polka music at that. Dig the little play on words, "Gallup Polka", and then there's the saucy little "Fanny Polka".

Everybody Polka! - Jan Waters & his Polk-Alongs

Beer Barrel Polka
Clarinet Polka
Helen Polka
Fanny Polka
Mary Lou Polka
Be Mine, Be Mine Polka

Wanda & Stach Polka
Radio Polka
Springtime Polka
Gallup Polka
Andy's Jolly Hop Polka
How Good For Me Polka

Like Wild!

Today's album is a collection of swingin' early 60s big band music, very excellent despite have no songs related to bodily functions. Since it's a good album it probably means there are much better versions of it available on other blogs--maybe I should just stick with what I do best (most) which is half assed versions of music no one really wants.

It's got a rock version of the Bunny Hop just in case anyone at your next party is just too cool to dance to the regular version. Anyway, since I have nothing else particularly sassy or insightful to say about Ray Anthony or this album...here it is.

Like Wild! Ray Anthony

Room 43
Fall Out
Kukie Bird
Dark Eyes
Peter Gunn
Wrong Number

707
Swanee River
Fly Now, Pay Later
Bunny Hop Rock
Rock-umba
Walkin' to Mother's

Stick Out Your Can, Here Comes A Fart Song

Why are there are so few great songs about farting?

There’s nothing more natural or soul-cleansing than a good fart...in fact, as I’m typing this...oh, never mind. Go ahead, name me some songs that make any reference to gas passing. And I’m NOT interested in hearing about some obscure Finnish band who once recorded a punk/ska version of “Beans Beans the Magic Fruit”....or actually I think I AM interested in hearing about it if such a thing exists.

Today’s fine album, “For a Piece” by Roscoe Holland, boasts not one, but TWO fart related tunes.

If you downloaded my stellar Songs of the Mule compilation a while back, featuring enough versions of “Mule Train” and “Mule Skinner Blues” to choke, well, a mule (and I think you probably did NOT since the sum total of downloads as of this moment is a paltry 81) you would already be familiar with Mr. Holland’s “Foul Mule Train” which is the uptempo lament of the driver who has the bad luck of riding downwind of his flatulent team. Then there is a very excellent version of the old favorite “Stick Out Your Can (Here Comes the Garbage Man)” with this stanza:

Up the hill,
I pushed a cart,
I pushed so hard,
You could hear me...sneeze

Can I take a moment to tell you that I spent an obscene amount of money to own this album?

Reasons:

1. is on the Dooto label, same as the Willie and Rising Dick download from a while back

2. it has fart songs DUH

3. Roscoe Holland made his fame and possibly fortune as an off-color lounge act in ALASKA for chrissakes

4. I cannot control my random buying impulses

For a Piece - Roscoe Holland Dooto Records DTL-812 (1961)

Foul Mule Train
Psonia
Bennie's From Heaven
Itty Bitty Girl
For a Piece

Yo Yo
Stick Out Your Can
Down on the Farm
Bijou
Drug Net

Danish Dynamite!

Det var tid til at besøge de 33 1/3 cent record butik igen, og ved den måde, her er et billede af denne fine etablering:



Se plast candy cane dekoration i nederste højre for billedet? Jeg tror ikke man kan vente til efter Halloween længere at starte udsmykning til jul.

Dagens tilbud er en af de fremragende - og når jeg siger "udmærket" jeg virkelig betyder "virkelig forfærdelig" - albums jeg fundet inden de støvede kasser, der var stuvet fuld af record afviser. "Danish Dynamite" er en 1989 indsamling af nogle forfærdeligt frygtelig sange fra nogle nydelige grufulde kunstnere. Dodo og Dodo's? Gnags? "Death Angels of Israel"?

Det er stort set umuligt at lytte til denne uden oplever en slags mave nød, så jeg vil varmt anbefale at holde langt væk fra det.




Forskellige sange fra Danish Dynamite

Grammofon AB Electra BOLP 5017

Sanne Salomonsen – Hvis du forstod
Thomas Helmig – Nu hvor du har brændt mig af
Ray Dee Ohh – Brændende læber
The Poets – Death Angels of Israel
Gnags – Mr. Swing King
Dodo and the Dodo’s (sic) – Hvis det bli’r
Lis Sørensen – Mine øjne de skal se

Valjean (at the piano)

Kitsch level is at Orange Alert for this album of orchestral arrangements of sixties TV themes featuring the light-loafered talents of VALJEAN, whose name alone conjures up mental pictures of flouncy velveteen jackets and errant forelocks of hair being flipped from the eyes.

Poor fella, the liner notes say that pianist Valjean Johns (a subsidiary of Vidal Sassoon, Inc.) grew up in Oklahoma City, and made his name with “such leading orchestras” as the hyperbolically named Tulsa Philharmonic Orchestra and the Dallas Symphony, (tho I bet his farm club was the Longines Symphonette) which surely makes him worthy of performing on these Rachmaninovian renditions of the themes of Dr. Kildare, Bonanza (yay!), and The Perry Como Show (“See the USAAAAAAAA in your Chevrolaaaaaaaaay”).

Truly inspirational.



The Theme From Ben Casey - Valjean

Carlton Record Corporation LP-143

Ben Casey
Naked City
Bonanza
Perry Como Show (Dream Along with Me)
Peter Gunn
Bell Telephone Hour

Dr. Kildare
Checkmate
G. E. Theatre
Gunsmoke
Alcoa Premiere
Wagon Train (Wagons Ho!)

1970 Majorette Originals

If high school marching band charts can be seen as a snapshot of the times, let’s take a peek at what was on the radar of central Indiana circa 1970:

* A nod to naked drug-loving hippies with a medley from “Hair”

* The lighter side of Nazi prison camps (Hogan’s Heroes theme)

* an acknowledgment that marching band songs are a painful thing with Hoosier Lite versions of “Hey Jude” (clocking in at a tolerable 1:23), Also Sprach Zarathrustra (1:04), and under 1 minute versions of I’m a Brass Band and L-O-V-E.

With these truncated Reader’s Digest versions of the tunes, you’d think the Majorettes were juggling chainsaws instead of twirling batons—can you even get a baton going if the twirling song is under a minute?

This album is truly a Who’s Who in Central Indiana Marching Band history, take a gander at these resumes:






Is anyone else suspicious of that “C.O.W.” really stands for “Camper of the Week”?



1970 Majorette Originals - Smith Walbridge Summer Camps

The Lebanon High School Band:

Mostly Mambo
Medley: By the Time I Get to Phoenix/Do You Know the Way to San Jose
Hair Medley: Aquarius/Let the Sun Shine In
Hey Jude
Love

Saint Joseph College Band:

All I Have to Do Is Dream
Classis Miniature “Also Sprach Zarathrustra”
I’m a Brass Band
Hogan’s Heroes
Days of Glory
Halftime Happening

"Night Train"

The raspberries are ripe for the picking in my backyard, I have an extra day away from work, I think I’m getting dangerously close to this “happiness” thing I hear the young people talking about nowadays. Then I throw Buddy Morrow’s “Night Train” on the turntable, which reminds me of the co-worker who told me that her husband’s nickname in college was “Night Train”...and realize that I will never have a nickname anywhere near as swell as “Night Train”, and quickly slide back into my comfort zone of gloom and despair. Better now!

Oh, the album...sadly, this is nowhere near as fabulous as our last Buddy Morrow entry , cover songs of TV themes such as Bonanza and International Detective.

”This is a group of ace music-makers, taking a day off the road schedule, to provide you with music that automatically makes the toes tap or leads saddle-shoes or buckskins to the maples”. OK.

Night Train

Mangos
With a Song in My Heart
Midnight March
One Mint Julep
Rib Joint
With the Wind and the Rain in Your Hair

Night Train
Hey, Mrs. Jones
I'll Close My Eyes
Back Home
Pink Lady

The Terrors of the Antilles

Let's Cha-Cha-Cha in Stereo with Tito Moreno and his Orchestra, who were apparently known in Puerto Rico as "The Terrors of the Antilles", but it's not made clear on the liner notes by whom. Let's just assume that moniker had something to do with music.

Let's Cha Cha Cha - Tito Moreno and his Orchestra
Somerset Album SF-8000

La-La Cha Cha
Kee of See Cha Cha
Mambo No. 5
Concerto for cha Cha
Cha Cha with B. B.
Acapulco Cha Cha

Ala Concord
Having a Ball
Mambo Jambo
Cha Cha Felicidad
Sweet and Gentle