Ahoy mateys, today’s album reflects my commitment to the one Saviour, the Holy Overlord of the most horrifically awful albums imaginable.
This album is chock-full of piping childen’s voices singing about being Christian pirates and long-winded sermons about not spending all your money at the proverbial circus and missing the train to Heavenville and such. The best part is a surly puppet sidekick "Sharkey" who likes to refer to the good Cap’n as “fatso” and is guilty of the eighth and ninth deadly sins of interrupting and backtalking. I want to be just like Sharkey when I grow up, mommy!
The letter from Colonel Sanders on the back cover tells the backstory of Captain Hook, AKA Von R. Saum, who lost his left hand and leg in a motorcycle accident at age 17, and then naturally made the decision to start a pirate ministry as Captain Hook.
Dig the video of him below! It like goes on forever!
The Mr. doesn’t usually go junking with me, but I twisted his arm, and it paid off in a big way…HE was the one who found this doozey, for a lousy $3. I would have spent more for the cover alone. Yo ho ho!
Ship Ahoy! With Captain Hook and His Crew
17 comments:
Love the cover!!! Instead of raping, pillaging, plundering, and other piratey like business, I wonder how this gluttonous, morbidly obese Christian pirate spends his personal time??? Perhaps sailing the open seas singing and proselytizing other sinful pirates?
Two of his three children have lost an eye (playing with the sharp sticks we've all been warned about, no doubt) and his wife wears glasses. An opthimologist's dream!
Hey, is that Sarah Palin on the front cover?
If it were Palin, it would explain a LOT.
Raping, pillaging and plundering? Oh! He went into televangelism.
Americans never stop to surprise me with their unique talent to associate EVERYTHING with Jesus...
But THIS is far beyond every fertile imagination...
Captain Hook and Jesus Christ?!?!?!?!
What's next?
I've seen the pirate video before but never did I guess there were other pieces of ... pirate treasure. One can only imagine his day job, because I'm sure his ministry didn't bring in enough to support their (I cringe at the thought) ever-growing family. Only in America!
I was thinking that maybe the Captain Hook moniker comes from the fact that there are a lot of *HOOKS* on the album (pop hooks)
Outstanding Jeso-trash! Cannot wait to hear this later today, Sunday. But it seems to me that his left hand is quite intact. Is this a miracle or is the Colonel dyslexic?
If you watch the video, (and you MUST watch the video, as it IS a requirement to obtain your Schadenfreudian therapist certification) you do see it is the left hand that is a hook. Both album images have been flipped for some odd reason.
- "singing" children
- disabilities
- ventriloquism
A trifecta of scary Xian record elements. Bravo!
k, you talked me into it. I not only will see it, but I am now downloading it. Does that get me an advanced degree?
if anyone is interested in further researching christian pirate-dom, google 'Patch the Pirate'... i was subjected to the program for a few years. at the beginning of each weekly meeting, we'd sing this song:
"We sail with Patch the Pirate across the ocean blue.
We want to please our Savior in all we say and do,
We serve the king of heaven and proudly bare his sword
We sail with Patch the Pirate for the glory of the Lord"..
years down the road i am somewhat plagued in my memory by the songs we used to sing. monthly shows at church in sailor hats and white tops with blue skirts... ugh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnfsIU5O-jI
Thats all i got to say
Nothing like some good ol cursing and christian bashing fun. Ha ha ha ha!
The Sarah Palin jokes are always a pleasure too. Ha ha ha ha.
What a great place to be. What a great crowd. And the Pornography links are a sure fire winner.
Can you do some negro bashing and make fun of retards next. I love this kind of stuff.
Awesome blog! You can count on me to be back for more of this. Can't find that many places that are this much into the hate I love too.
Yes, all the background on "The Hook" is great, but when did Sharkey loose his eye? The video clearly shows him without it (sometimes). I hope it wasn't a biblical "if your eye sins then pluck out your eye" thing (although the inordinate amount of eye patches has got me wondering). I must also add that for a pirate, he had very good grooming habits (the hair is wonderful). -Virgil
I think that this is very funny, i would like to see it because i want to laugh a lot.
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